What the hell is going on?

This is going to be a very long post.  Normally I wouldn't share such a long story but I am utterly astonished at what has happened and I am obsessing over it.  It's like a disease and I am hoping writing about this will be the cure.

I've lived in my apartment building drama free for nearly four years.  I am not one of those people that thrive on drama.  I despise it.  Up until Autumn of last year, I never had a problem with my neighbors.  We have always respected each others privacy while remaining friendly with one another.  Then the people on the first floor moved in.  First HE moved in and everything was fine.  We had established  the standard neighborly rapore with the typical, "Hi, how are you? Good thanks, and you?"  I even let him borrow my broom so he could sweep out the back of the UHaul he rented.   Then SHE moved in.  This is when things went severly wrong.   

 If you were to ask her and then ask me about the events of the last year leading up to this past Monday evening, our stories would be completely different.  I keep on imagining myself in the courtroom.  The plaintiff, being HER, would give her account of what happened. Then Judge Judy would turn to me and ask  "is this how it happened?"  I, like so many other defendents, would  answer "no, your honor, that's not how I remember it". 

Autumn 2009

One sunny, warm October day, I walk out the back door and see a strange SUV parked in the driveway.  It appears as though I am the only person home because my car is the only one in the driveway. I stroll over to my VW Bug to retrieve my beach chair from the trunk.  I pause and turn to look at the driver of the mystery SUV expecting to be asked for directions or something like that.  Nothing happens.  I proceed to the lawn and position myself in the sun.  About 20 minutes later, a strange women comes walking out of the house and proceeds to get in the back seat of the SUV.  I am stunned to see a complete stranger come walking out of the house.  I ponder the incident for a little while and deduce that she must be HIS girlfriend.  So the drama begins. 

Over the course of the next several months, I encounter the couple in the yard on various occassions.  I attempt to be polite and say hi when I see them, but both of them just ignore me.  I don't get it.  I try to figure out what it is that I did to deserve this treatment.    I finally say fuck it and decide that I'm just going to pretend they don't exist when I see them.  There is an episode on Easter Sunday. I arrive home to discover the flowers that I  planted the day before have been trampled. The rocks I used to make a pretty border around my garden have vanished.  The next day I find the rocks strewn all over the yard. There are shards of cement around the bottom of the staircase. I find several of the rocks in the driveway which is opposite of the staircase.  I call my neighbor across the street,who is a total busy body, and ask him if he witnessed anything unusual in my yard on Easter Sunday.  Sure enough, he did.  He proceeds to tell me that THEIR kids with 3 or 4 other kids were running around the yard unsupervised with water oozies.  (That explains the trampled flowers) He didn't see anything else.  To this day I am convinced those kids were pelting the stairs with the rocks, but can't prove it.  I am relieved that I went to my sister's on Easter Sunday because my car would have fallen victim to the flying rocks.  I'm sorry, the alleged flying rocks.   Despite how angry I am, I do not call the landlord.

Spring turns to summer and with the changing of the seasons comes incident number two.  I'm walking home from work and I turn the corner into the backyard.  I see something glistening in the driveway.  I walk over and it is a complete set of keys.  They are laying there on the ground near HIS car.  HE is nowhere in sight.  I wait about an hour for my boyfriend to arrive and the keys are still laying there on the ground. Now if the key chain only had say his car keys or just his motorcycle keys on it I wouldn't have cared less.  But there was a whole bunch of keys on it and one of them could've possibly been the key to the house.  So let's shift our minds to what the average house burgler would do in this situation.  Catch my drift? I'm pissed so I pick up the keys bring them inside and knock on THEIR door.  knock knock knock...nothing, I knock again nothing.  Suddenly I hear someone burp.  Now I'm standing there in the hallway all by myself and I hear someone burp.  Unless there was a ghost hovering there, I think it's pretty safe to assume as SHE was standing there peeking through the peep hole, SHE burped.  I wait there for her to open the door and she doesn't.  I roll my eyes and leave the keys at the bottom of the door. 

There are a couple of other incidents but in the interest of you not nodding off, I will fast forward to this past Monday.  If you live in New England, you know that Massachusetts was hit with a blizzard the Sunday after Christmas.  On Monday morning I'm shoveling my driveway with my neighbor.  Suddenly HE emerges from the house.  Even though I was shoveling to go to work, considering the weather conditions, I was surprised to see that someone else was going to work as well. So before I even realize I'm doing it, I ask HIM  "you have to work today?" he answers yes.  Moments later SHE appears at the door.  I turn around and finish my shoveling. 

That evening I arrive home excited to download the photos of the blizzard I just snapped.  As I climb up the stairs to my apartment door I see a letter at the bottom of the door. A feeling of doom comes over me as I bend over and pick it up.  I open the letter and begin to read.....

I want you to understand that my husband does not like you at all.  Why? From day 1 when we met, (ok so  my version of the story is that I don't re-call ever officially "meeting" her.  Of all the times that I was in THEIR vicinity not once did HE say "I'd like to introduce you to my wife" or did SHE say "hi I'm so and so")  you made it a point to step right in between my husband and I and said hello to him as I had to move aside because you so rudely gave me a really nasty look as you stepped between us. (Ahh, now I know why they never said hello to me.  I vaguely remember this, but I don't believe that it was done as a hostile maneuver and with the nasty look that she's describing) You always made a point to be friendly to him and very unfriendly to me.  Why then would I say hello to a very rude and unfriendly girl. (ok, my version of the story, SHE conveniently forgets all the times that I tried to be friendly and THEY ignored me) My husband and I have now been here for a year and we both know you as (here SHE originally wrote as the neighborhood whore but then ever so kindly scribbled that out and replaced it with extremely ignorant and rude.)  I'm not asking I'm telling you stay away from my husband you don't want to push my buttons.  I'm writing this instead of saying this to you because I have a violent temper.  My husband loves me and hates you for being so ignorant to me for a year (ok my version of the story, as she so boldly writes in her own letter to me, why would I say hi to an unfriendly girl? )   Next time you say anything to my husband it will not be a note coming at you.  So again don't push me.

In my 40 years on planet earth I have never once been threatened by another human being.  I can't believe it.  The irony is that SHE decides to react to my alleged "rudeness and ignorance" by being rude and ignorant herself.  Furthermore, SHE approaches her rudeness and ignorance with stupidity by threatening me in writing. Nevertheless, I believe it is time to move.  As much as I love my apartment, it just isn't worth it anymore.