Figuring it out

I'm sitting here watching The Deadliest Catch.  It is in memory of Captain Phil Harris who died last year.  I am realizing how short life is and experiencing an epiphany.  I need to get my shit together about my future.  I can't seem to make any decisions.  I don't know what has happened to me.  It's easier to float I guess.  I never used to be like this.  Does that mean I'm depressed?  It's like I'm having commitment issues.  It's definitely not for lack of trying.  There's always seems to be an obstacle.  Or am I making it an obstacle? hmmm.. 

What I really want to do is open a Nursery.  Unfortunately it is unpractical in Massachusetts.  Correction, it is possible but seasonal work.  Can't support myself on that.  So I scratched that off the list.  My next idea was Medical Assistant.  After doing research, I've discovered that most mediacal assistants are now required to draw blood.  Isn't that what a Phlebotomist is for? So I scratched that off the list.  Idea number three-Physical Therapist Assitant.  Major job requirement is to be able to lift patients.   I have my own physical impairments that have required therapy, so I scratched that off the list.   Are you noticing a trend here?    GRR, is it possible to have a mid -life crisis at 39? I can't just buy a corvette and get myself a boytoy to fix this.